I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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