She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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