She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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