so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
