I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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