took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
