btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
