Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
