I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
