First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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