Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
