well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
