my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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