did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
