So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
