moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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