Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
