i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She announced her abortion via fbk
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
