I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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