She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
