How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
