last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
