i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
