wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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