He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
