Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
