My hand turned me down
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
