do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
