i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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