i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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