I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
