butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
