Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
