Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
