batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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