vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
