and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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