Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
even my farts smell like vagina
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
