If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
