life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
