Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
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dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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