I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
