I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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