omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
