I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
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How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
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I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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