Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
