Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
