I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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