I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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