I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
