if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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