Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
