Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
