some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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