This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
