toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize