he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
