That's intense
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
