I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
