May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
