We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
