I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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