i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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