Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
