Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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