Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
