Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
