If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
