ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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