I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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