Im at strip club and am horny
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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