i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
