my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
