i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
