I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
