so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
