Ambien. No doubt about it.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Ketchup is God's man juice
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
