So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
