It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Two words: nipple clamps
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