So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
