saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm sobbing to NWA
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
