when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
