Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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