if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I think a kid would responsible me up
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
